Why Your Emotional Intelligence Training is Making Your Managers Worse (And What Actually Works)

Our Favourite Blogs:

• Training Matrix
• Growth Network

The worst manager I ever worked with had a certificate in emotional intelligence hanging proudly on his office wall. Right next to his motivational poster about "synergy" and a photo of him at some corporate leadership retreat looking deeply thoughtful while staring at a sunset.

This bloke could quote Daniel Goleman chapter and verse, knew all the buzzwords about self-awareness and empathy, and had attended more EQ workshops than I've had hot dinners. Yet somehow, he still managed to make grown adults cry in team meetings and drove three of our best performers to quit within six months.

Here's the uncomfortable truth about emotional intelligence training for managers: most of it is absolute garbage. And it's not just ineffective—it's actively making our workplaces worse.

The Problem With Feel-Good EQ Training

Let me paint you a picture of typical EQ training. Twenty-odd managers sitting in a sterile conference room in Melbourne, filling out personality questionnaires and role-playing scenarios that bear no resemblance to actual workplace challenges. They learn about the four domains of emotional intelligence (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, for those keeping score) and walk away thinking they've unlocked some mystical management superpower.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, deadlines are looming, budgets are tight, and their team members are dealing with everything from personal crises to impossible client demands. But hey, at least the manager can now identify when they're feeling "frustrated" instead of just "annoyed." That'll fix everything.

The fundamental flaw in most EQ training is that it treats emotional intelligence like a theoretical subject rather than a practical skill set. It's like teaching someone to drive by having them memorise the road rules without ever getting behind the wheel. Sure, they'll know what a stop sign means, but they'll still crash into the first roundabout they encounter.

What Actually Happens When Managers Get "Emotionally Intelligent"

I've watched this play out across dozens of organisations, from tech startups in Sydney to mining companies in Perth. Managers come back from their EQ training with a dangerous combination of confidence and incompetence. They start using therapy-speak in performance reviews ("I'm sensing some resistance here, Dave") and mistake emotional awareness for emotional manipulation.

The worst part? Some of them actually become less effective because they overthink every interaction. I know one manager who spent so much time analysing his own emotional state before difficult conversations that he'd psyche himself out completely. By the time he actually spoke to his team member, he was more anxious than the person he was meant to be helping.

Then there's the performative empathy epidemic. Managers who've been through EQ training often feel compelled to demonstrate their emotional intelligence at every opportunity. They'll ask "How are you feeling about this?" when what their team really needs is clear direction and decisive action. Not every workplace interaction needs to be a therapy session.

The Real Skills Emotionally Intelligent Managers Need

Here's what actual emotional intelligence looks like in management: it's knowing when to push and when to pull back. It's reading the room accurately enough to know that Jenny's snippy response in the morning meeting probably has nothing to do with the project update and everything to do with the fact that she's been dealing with a sick parent all week.

Real EQ for managers means having tough conversations without destroying relationships. It's being able to deliver disappointing news (budget cuts, redundancies, failed projects) while maintaining team trust and morale. Most importantly, it's understanding that emotional intelligence isn't about being nice—it's about being effective while remaining human.

The best managers I've worked with weren't the ones who talked about feelings all the time. They were the ones who created psychological safety through their actions, not their words. They showed up consistently, communicated clearly, and demonstrated through their behaviour that they gave a damn about their people.

Take Sarah, a operations manager I knew at a logistics company in Brisbane. She never used the term "emotional intelligence," but she had it in spades. When one of her drivers was going through a messy divorce, she didn't offer counselling or ask how he was "processing" the experience. She quietly rearranged his routes so he could handle school pick-ups, covered for him when he needed court appearances, and made sure the rest of the team understood the situation without making it public knowledge.

That's emotional intelligence in action. No certificates required.

Why Most EQ Training Misses the Mark

The training industry has turned emotional intelligence into a product, complete with assessments, frameworks, and certification programs. But here's the thing about emotions—they're messy, contextual, and highly personal. You can't standardise them into a neat little workshop format.

Most EQ training also suffers from what I call the "airline safety video syndrome." We've all sat through those pre-flight demonstrations, but when an actual emergency happens, most people still panic. Similarly, knowing the theory of emotional intelligence doesn't automatically translate to applying it under pressure.

The other massive flaw is that EQ training often treats all emotions as equally valid and worth exploring. In the workplace, this simply isn't true. Sometimes feelings are irrational, counterproductive, or based on incomplete information. A good manager needs to be able to distinguish between emotions that deserve attention and those that need to be managed or redirected.

I once worked with a manager who'd been through extensive EQ training and believed every team member's emotional response was a "valid concern" that needed to be addressed. When someone complained that they felt "undervalued" because they didn't get invited to a client lunch that was clearly a working session for a project they weren't involved in, he spent two hours processing their feelings instead of simply explaining the context. The team member left feeling heard but no less confused, and the manager had effectively validated unreasonable expectations.

What Actually Works: The Australian Approach to EQ

The best emotional intelligence training I've seen doesn't call itself that. It focuses on practical communication skills, conflict resolution techniques, and situational awareness. It acknowledges that managing people is fundamentally about understanding human nature, not memorising emotional competency models.

Here's what effective EQ development for managers actually looks like:

Scenario-based practice using real workplace situations. Not role-playing generic conflicts, but working through actual challenges the managers face daily. How do you handle a team member who's consistently negative? What do you do when two high performers can't stand each other? How do you motivate someone who's clearly checked out but won't quit?

Teaching pattern recognition rather than emotional labelling. Instead of getting managers to identify whether they're feeling "frustrated" or "disappointed," teach them to recognise behavioral patterns in their teams. When productivity drops, attendance becomes sporadic, or communication becomes defensive, these are signals that require management attention—regardless of the underlying emotions.

Focus on impact over intention. Traditional EQ training spends a lot of time on self-awareness and good intentions. But in management, results matter more than feelings. A manager might have the best intentions when they give constant feedback, but if it's making their team member anxious and defensive, the intention is irrelevant.

Building resilience rather than sensitivity. This might be controversial, but managers need emotional resilience more than emotional sensitivity. The ability to absorb criticism, bounce back from setbacks, and maintain equilibrium when everything's going wrong is far more valuable than being able to identify subtle emotional cues.

The Authenticity Factor

One of the biggest problems with formal EQ training is that it often makes managers less authentic, not more. They start using language that doesn't come naturally to them and adopting behaviors that feel forced. Their teams can sense this immediately, and it erodes trust rather than building it.

The most emotionally intelligent managers I know are the ones who've figured out how to be themselves while still being professional. They don't try to be everyone's friend, but they're consistent, fair, and genuinely interested in helping their people succeed.

I think about Mark, a construction site manager in Adelaide who had zero formal training in emotional intelligence but was one of the most effective people managers I've ever encountered. His approach was simple: treat people like adults, communicate clearly, and follow through on commitments. When someone was struggling, he'd ask direct questions, listen to the answers, and take practical action. No emotional processing required.

When one of his workers was dealing with gambling problems that were affecting his performance, Mark didn't try to be a counselor. He connected the guy with appropriate support services, adjusted his responsibilities temporarily to reduce financial stress, and checked in regularly without being intrusive. Problem solved, relationship maintained, team performance protected.

Moving Beyond the EQ Industrial Complex

If you're responsible for management development in your organisation, here's my advice: bin the emotional intelligence assessments and focus on practical people management skills. Train your managers to have difficult conversations, to recognise and address performance issues early, and to build trust through consistency rather than emotional intimacy.

Teach them that sometimes the most emotionally intelligent response is to not engage with every emotional reaction. Help them understand that managing people isn't about being a therapist—it's about creating conditions where people can do their best work while maintaining their dignity and autonomy.

Most importantly, stop treating emotional intelligence like it's some mystical management superpower that can be unlocked through weekend workshops. It's a practical skill set that develops through experience, reflection, and genuine care for the people you lead.

The manager with the EQ certificate on his wall eventually got moved to a role where he managed processes instead of people. It was better for everyone involved. Meanwhile, the most emotionally intelligent managers I know are out there quietly doing the work, building great teams, and probably couldn't tell you the difference between self-awareness and social awareness if their life depended on it.

But they sure as hell know how to get the best out of their people.

Related Resources:

• Learning Pulse - Practical management development insights
• Workplace Abuse Training - Essential skills for protecting your team